The Gift

Dear Brave Butterfly,

Hi friend!  Christmas is on the brain.  The tree is decorated, the gifts are purchased and wrapped, and red and green is everywhere.  Santa Claus images are everywhere too.  I see his image in people's yards, in every store I enter, and the wait to see him is hours long.

Sometimes I still believe the Santa Claus myth.  No, I'm not thinking he is sliding down the fireplace and filling my stocking or sitting in his sleigh being pulled by reindeer to deliver gifts to everyone in the world.  The myth I believe is much more subtle.

Parts of it come from a popular Christmas song.  The lyrics make themselves at home in my brain.  You better watch out.  You better not cry. You better not pout I'm telling you why.  Santa Claus is coming to town.

The lie in my head goes this way --- if I'm good, I will earn a gift.  If I'm bad, well then no gift for me.  The gift is conditional.  It is based on my performance.   He's making a list.  He's checking it twice.  Gonna find out whose naughty or nice.

I know Santa Claus is not real.  I asked about it when I was six, and my mom told me the truth.  But still, parts of his myth remain.  He sees you when you're sleeping.  He knows when you're awake.  He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.

The lie causes me to chase perfection.  I must be good.  I must be perfect.  No negative emotions (like crying or pouting) allowed.   No slips ups.

The truth is Santa Claus is the opposite of God and his gift.  Only God can see you when you're sleeping.  Only God can be everywhere.  Only God wants you to come as you are --- imperfections and all.  Only God gave a free gift at Christmas that isn't based on performance. 

Christmas is about the ultimate gift from God - the gift of his son Christ.  This gift is free to all (and it can free you from chasing perfection), but it does have one catch.  You must accept the gift.

Once opened, the gift gives life for eternity.  But it keeps on giving.  It gives you grace each day for each time you stumble.  It gives wisdom.  It gives love.  Have you opened your free gift today?

Disbelief

Dear Brave Butterfly,

My heart is heavy at the news of the school shootings in Connecticut.  It hurts deeply for all the parents who have lost their precious children.  I know the pain of losing a child.   I am still wrestling with it after having lost my son Jenson seven months ago.  He had his whole life ahead of him.  He was three. 

The funerals for several of the children are being held today.  This is a day no parent should ever have to face.  But this is their unfair reality as they bravely walk through one of the hardest days of their lives.

This poem goes out with love from one grieving parent to another.  I am so sorry for your loss.

Disbelief
Standing at your grave site
My heart in disbelief
This can not be happening
My world is filled with grief

Your life held so much promise
And a future filled with dreams
But now those dreams are shattered
And my heart rips at the seems

You are my precious child
Who I love and always will
My heart longs just to hold you
The void can not be filled

The pain cuts deep into my heart
A piece of me is gone
You are never coming back
How can I possibly go on?

The grief it overwhelms
Like a broken boat swept out to sea
I can barely function
I don't even know how to be me

I wish I could see you
If only for a day
I'd live in the moment
As we'd venture out to play

You'll never be forgotten
In my heart you'll always be
Until we meet again someday
And live eternally

My Life Preserver

Dear Brave Butterfly,

Hi friend! 

Something strange has happened to me.  It didn't happen over night.  It's been more of a gradual process.

You see, I have always been a hard worker - from striving for A's in high school and college, to starting a career less than one week after graduating college, to feeling a little guilty whenever I take a vacation.  There is nothing inherently wrong with working hard (except maybe the feeling guilty about taking vacation - seriously, stop the madness).

Back to my point.  Working hard isn't a bad quality.  Some things in life require hard work.  BUT I'm realizing not everything in life has to be so hard.

I'm learning there is an easier way.

My Life Preserver

 

I am swimming in the ocean of life.  The water is calm.  I am strong.  My life preserver floats next to me.

The wind and rain come.  The water gets rough.  The waves get bigger.  I swim harder.  My life preserver floats next to me.

The wind and rain continue.  I start to fatigue.  All I can do now is tread water.  I am bobbing up and down like a buoy.  I can feel the current trying to pull me under.  My life preserver floats next to me.

A hurricane blows in.  The rain pours down, the wind howls, and the thick fog rolls in.  I can’t see.  Exhaustion sets in.  I am too tired to swim anymore.  I am drowning and sinking into the deep abyss of the ocean.  I finally reach for my life preserver, but don’t have the strength to grab onto it. 

I awake floating on top of the ocean.  I am alive.  I am somehow floating on my life preserver.  My life preserver saved me.  It gives me rest.  It slowly renews my energy.  It breathes life back into my soul.

Then God shares the truth with me.  My dear child, I have been right next to you through the calm and storms of life.  When you reached for me, I saved you.  I am the ultimate life preserver.  Cling to me always.  Trust me.  Rely on me.

So I hold onto my life preserver and don’t let go.  It makes each day easier.  It gives me strength in the calm and the storms of life.  My life preserver gives life for eternity.